you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize