He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
