she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dick very happy bro
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
