I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
