it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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