We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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