YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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