Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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