i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
