Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
