I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
