How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
