those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
