I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
