I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize