wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
