Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
