i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
