I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Boobs speak an international language.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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