before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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