My brain says no but my pants say off.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
