We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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