If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
