Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
