I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
