There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
