were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
