my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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