dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm both gender and math confused
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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