So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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