ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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