i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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