I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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