Swine flu. Run for my life!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize