My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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