She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
