I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
