I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
