Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
