My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
