watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
