It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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