Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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