Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
