Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
