My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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