this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
