I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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