just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
