i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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