Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
