there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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