Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
