He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
