I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so explain again why im purple
no
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
