I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She said her name was "party"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
