so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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