it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
