recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
