Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
