this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
