My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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