I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize