I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
