you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
