dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize