How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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