we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
