Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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