oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
