i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need moral support for this bender
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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