so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
