Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
