Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
