the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize