new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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