Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
