I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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