My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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