I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
