the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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