A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
