No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
