Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
