I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You have to summon your inner elephant
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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