Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize