i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
