Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
