i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
