Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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