I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
