Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize