he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
