I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
