What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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