last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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