Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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