just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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