CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
