you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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