Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
